The babies are almost two weeks old. Seems like yesterday, but it also seems like forever.
I want them home. Not until they are completely ready, but still, I want them home. I miss them when I have to leave them at the hospital each day. I hate it when they are crying and I can't pick them up and comfort them. I feel guilty when I don't have time to hold them all. It's hard.
I have to say that it's nice to be able to breathe and sleep and walk farther than 30 feet. I felt guilty for a while that my body gave up and the babies were born so early. Thankfully, they are doing so well right now that I can feel relief.
I had a mother say to me the other day at a lacrosse game that she couldn't believe I was there because she would be at the hospital all the time. I used to think that way too, but you don't know until you are in this situation. I have other kids I need to see. This was Aj's lacrosse game. I want to see him play. He will remember if I show up or not; the babies won't right now.
Plus, I had been there that morning and I was going back that evening. But that goes along with the guilt I feel. Now with six kids, I want be everywhere all the time. I never want to leave the Quads. I want to be at all of Aj's games, and I want to be available to Chris all the time. It's hard, and the babies aren't even home yet.
I also knew that I would love the babies with my whole heart, but I didn't know I how much more it would make me appreciate my older kids. They have been more than amazing. Seeing how much they love them astounds me. I have never in my life seen a prouder daddy than my husband. The love I see in his eyes -- I have never been happier. Yes, our family doubled in size, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
An update on the quadruplets
March 26, 2014
Thirty-one weeks, yay!! We made it. OK, we didn't quite make it all the way, but we have ALL made it.
My beautiful babies are here, born last Friday after a day of not knowing what's going on with me. My blood pressure spiked. I was told I had preeclampsia and the babies had to come. The birth went wonderfully. Carter first, then Wyatt, Olivia (who came out crying), and Jackson. The doctors and nurses were amazing.
I am so happy my babies are here. They are doing amazing, and we know we are blessed.
For me, going to the NICU is a little bit of a stressor. I want to be able to pick them up and calm them and take care of them. I am their mother. I am supposed to soothe them and kiss their pains away. I am supposed to be able to touch my babies when I want.
I know that I had a lot of time to prepare myself, knowing they wouldn't come home with me, but it's different when they are here and it’s a reality.
I just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be OK, that all my babies are coming home to me soon.
Right now for Jon, the NICU is sort of calming. He knows his babies are being well cared for, (as do I). He is learning so much up there. They have taught him how to change a diaper, take the babies’ temperature, how to calm them when they are agitated, and how to hold them. He can just sit up there hours at a time and watch them or even take a nap with them. I have never seen a prouder or more attentive daddy.
My heart swells when I see my two oldest boys and my husband with the Quads. They are so proud of them and love them so much. I really wondered if they would love them like I do, and they have surpassed my hopes. In fact, as I write this, Chris, my oldest, is at the hospital visiting them on his own. Aj loves to show them off and can't wait to have people visit them.
I am blessed beyond measure, and I know that even with my stress and insecurities all is going to be well. God is in control.
On a bad day for me, one of the nurses wore scrubs that had Dragonflies on them. He is always here.
JoAnna Heaps lives in Salem. She is WDBJ7's "Heaps of Joy" blogger. JoAnna has two children, and is expecting quadruplets. She will be posting updates every Wednesday.
All four babies arrived!
The quadruplets were born Friday, and are all doing well.
30 WEEKS, AND A BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
March 19, 2014