Lehigh Canal volunteers tackling big project

May 21, 2013

Gary Ritter is a pretty typical trail tender.

My wife faced Angelina Jolie's dilemma 11 years ago

May 17, 2013

The revelation that actress Angelina Jolie had her breasts removed because of gene testing results may have seemed shocking and extreme to many of you.

Pit bull supporters say dogs' bad image is unfair

May 15, 2013

I was surprised not long ago to discover someone had mailed me an envelope packed with photos.

Scott Ott-Dean Browning decision will be Valley's most significant

May 13, 2013

Any time a two-term county executive crawls from the ooze of the Delaware River Joint Toll Bridge Commission to seek the job from which he was ousted eight years ago, as Glenn Reibman has, it's going to attract attention.

Grammar Police home in on more errors

May 10, 2013

I'm awash in readers' Grammar Police submissions, so it's time to start to catch up.

Pet peeves abound as annoyed readers weigh in

May 8, 2013

I did a blog post several weeks ago about 10 behaviors I find really annoying. It also appeared in The Morning Call's Best of the Blogs, which sparked more comments on the blog and several emails and personal contacts.

Muslims, Christians united in thirst for understanding

May 6, 2013

An American Muslim man was standing in a parking lot the other day when a passing motorist shouted something familiar at him.

It's a not-so-wonderful life for Gov. Tom Corbett

May 3, 2013

"You sent for me, sir?" asked Clarence.

Bustling Outreach Depot still needs stable home

May 1, 2013

A typical morning at the Lehigh Valley Outreach Depot in Bethlehem:

Facebook sites help families find wayward pets

April 30, 2013

Have you ever had beloved pets disappear?

Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski has an odd concept of openness

April 26, 2013

Some readers spoke and wrote to me about this sentence from a recent police item.

Northampton County executive race getting nasty

April 24, 2013

My Hall of Fame — for which I am seeking nominations over the next few weeks — includes several exhibits involving wild campaign fliers.

Nothing says Christmas like rusty horseshoes

April 22, 2013

A Realtor friend of mine sent out an email the other day about an estate sale of furnishings and personal property at a house not far from where I live.

Hall of Fame seeking new crop of luminaries

April 19, 2013

This column is the annual call for nominees to my Hall of Fame of the area's most colorful characters.

Lehigh Canal could use some volunteer help

April 17, 2013

I don't need a lot of prodding to pursue stories that involve being outdoors in the spring.

Hindenburg hero left treasure trove behind

April 15, 2013

Dwight Rose's father, Paul, used to show his son newsreel footage of the Hindenburg disaster and point to one of the figures fleeing the flaming wreckage as it crashed to the ground.

Cramped airline seats call for desperate tactics

April 12, 2013

My last column offered the perspective of small women explaining why they sometimes have to put their airline seats back.

Smaller people defend reclining their airline seats

April 10, 2013

I'm not the only one who thinks reclining airline seats and some of the people who recline them are obnoxious.

Bitterness over Paterno firing still stirring Penn State alumni

April 8, 2013

I was at the March Madness party I attend every year on the first two days of the NCAA basketball tournament, and one guy approached me.

Bethlehem politics not as genteel as you think

April 5, 2013

Bethlehem government's reputation for gentility can be a bit misleading.

Allentown water system bid reaction likely to vary

April 3, 2013

When I heard Tuesday that the Lehigh County Authority had bid $220 million to almost certainly secure the contract to lease Allentown water and sewer system, I launched a Google search for A Matter of Perspective jokes.

Zeppelin fragments once were popular souvenirs

April 1, 2013

I wrote Saturday about a Hanover Township, Northampton County, man who has a piece of what he believed to be the Hindenburg's skin.

Graf Zeppelin more likely source of fragment

March 29, 2013

When you mention the Hindenburg, people tend to perk up. Its destruction still qualifies as one of the most spectacular aerial disasters in history.

World War II Bushmasters group gone, not forgotten

March 27, 2013

I want to follow up on my recent column about World War II casualty Kenneth Knoll's family and their visit to his grave in Manila. He was from Allentown.

Hindenburg is even bigger mystery than we thought

March 25, 2013

World War II fallen soldier's daughter finds peace at his grave

March 22, 2013

Sally Getchell's father died in World War II when she was 21/2 years old. He was buried in the Philippines.

Airline seats leave little room for legs

March 21, 2013

After returning from vacation in the Phoenix area last year, I complained that United Airlines lost my golf clubs and it took half my trip to get them back.

Grammar Police flounder over 'founder'

March 19, 2013

Most of my Grammar Police ideas come from the readers. But I want to begin this column with one proposed by some of the paper's editors.

Winter Storm Nemo is just the beginning

March 11, 2013

Ever since Winter Storm Nemo lit up the Twitterverse and The Weather Channel's round-the-clock coverage, I've been fascinated with the idea that commercial enterprises can go far beyond the National Weather Service's rather stodgy names for hurricanes and tropical storms.

Child sex abuse survivor exemplifies need for change

March 8, 2013

Kristen Pfautz Woolley of York is a textbook example of lots of things, most of them inspiring.

Child sex abuse lawsuit window should be opened

March 6, 2013

Over the years, I have heard and told the stories of numerous men and women who were molested as children.

Are cruise lines discriminating against women?

March 4, 2013

Sometimes I write columns I know are going to get me in trouble with some readers.

Lehigh County commissioners should do the opposite

March 1, 2013

In one of my favorite "Seinfeld" episodes, titled "The Opposite," the hapless George Costanza lamented the way every decision he had made in his life was wrong.

Is Steve Barron worst county controller ever?

February 27, 2013

There's a scene in the bizarre cult classic movie "Napoleon Dynamite" in which Napoleon looks at a ridiculous video of his Uncle Rico throwing the football and remarks, "This is pretty much the worst video ever made."

Does early education emphasis let kids be kids?

February 25, 2013

"Read your article about early education of our children and all I have to say is bunk. I am glad I at 80 years old am ready to leave this insane world. Next you and the people in this administration will want to strap learning tapes on the mother's stomach from the time she finds out she is pregnant. Children need time to play, laugh, use their imaginations, run, jump and not be organized 24-7. How much do you remember from kindergarten, probably not much, now go to learn earlier and you'll have less. As far as businesses are concerned let them educate their workers, not have robot kids from robot schools and organized education, from birth to adulthood. Give the kids a break."

Cruise ship dance host tells his story in new book

February 22, 2013

Jim Wood of Allentown has traveled across six continents, 161 countries, on 15 different cruise ships with seven different cruise lines, touching more than 500 ports of call.

Allentown hockey arena financing plan should help neighborhoods

February 20, 2013

When the NBA's Philadelphia 76ers traded to obtain center Andrew Bynum, their goal in the narrowest sense was to improve their rebounding, interior defense and scoring from the post.

Early childhood education pays off for businesses

February 18, 2013

When President Obama talked in his State of the Union speech about the importance of early childhood education, he offered my cue to complete the last in a series of columns.

Eagle Scout returned his medal over gay policy

February 15, 2013

You probably won't be surprised to learn that some readers disagreed with my recent column about the Boy Scouts of America.

Some Enchanted Evenings, you just chicken out

February 13, 2013

248 walmart employee! - m4w

Boy Scouts are on the wrong side of history with ban on gays

February 8, 2013

"The spirit is there in every boy; it has to be discovered and brought to light." — Robert Baden-Powell, founder of the Scouting movement.

Child sex abuse survivor still waiting for justice

February 6, 2013

Imagine you're 12 years old and broken.

Great blue heron fell victim to Monocacy slob

February 4, 2013

My golden retriever MacDuff and I used to do a lot of walking along the creeks in various area parks.

Grammar Police know a man with a wooden leg named Smith

February 1, 2013

A friend got an email the other day from his bank. The subject line read, "Tips for Protecting Your Business' Information From American Bank."

Miracles for Ella gathering created smiles, tears

January 31, 2013

It was appropriate that they stamped our hands with smiley faces as we arrived at the Spaghetti for Ella fundraising event in Cementon Sunday evening. What I saw there put a big smile on my face, and I know I wasn't alone.

Looove Connection is looking for more Manti Te'os

January 28, 2013

For weeks, I've been fiddling with ideas for satirical columns about the little-flown Lehigh Valley International Airport.

Lehigh commissioners shoot first, aim later

January 25, 2013

Ready. Fire. Aim.

Pennsylvania's population is increasingly grating

January 23, 2013

A recent blog entry may have offered a clue about why the Corbett administration's wants someone else to administer the Pennsylvania Lottery.

Politics needs more moderates to turn the congressional ship

January 22, 2013

Politics are like the Titanic.

Larry Holmes didn't set out to be a role model

January 18, 2013

Larry Holmes says he only resorted to a "performance-enhancing" substance one time in the ring.

Charter schools delivering what they promise?

January 16, 2013

Future Lawyers Academy Charter School Principal Rufus Cartwright said, "Mr. and Mrs. Burns, come in. It's good to see you."

Gun violence answer isn't more armed people

January 14, 2013

Two quick follow ups:

Lynching, landmark decision revisited in Lafayette College forum

January 11, 2013

The facts in the 1906 arrest, trial and lynching of Ed Johnson seem almost inconceivable now in a country that has a black man as its president and celebrates a black civil rights leader with a national holiday.

Christmas Lights tours helped Second Harvest

January 9, 2013

Choosing a favorite moment from the last month of Christmas Lights touring would be difficult.

Are locked, loaded schools the answer?

January 7, 2013

"Watch this quick draw," said school principal Buck Buford, pulling his sports jacket back so it cleared his holster and then going into a crouch. "I'm like lightning."

PA Gov Tom Corbett NCAA suit is a frivolous embarrassment

January 4, 2013

Tom Corbett launched his re-election campaign this week.

Grammar Police want fewer — not less — errors

January 2, 2013

"As an editor and occasional writer," a reader wrote me recently, "I especially enjoy the 'pet peeves' columns on grammar. One of my pet peeves is the misuse of 'fewer' and 'less.'

Here's one last look at the year's top stories

December 28, 2012

Reading all these year-in-review recaps has left me a little groggy, so forgive me if my own look at 2012's top stories veers in and out of reality.

Christmas quiz tests your holiday knowledge

December 24, 2012

I've written this 15th annual Holiday Quiz column in advance and buried a copy in a sealed container.

Glenn Reibman should stay at bottom of Crystal Lake

December 20, 2012

I can't imagine there are many things more frustrating than being the heroine or hero of a horror movie. Whenever you think you've vanquished the mad stabber or machete wielder, the maniac pops back to his feet and comes at you again.

Children, music, generosity were antidotes to evil at Sandy Hook

December 17, 2012

Their smiling faces stared out at us from Monday's Morning Call.

The 2012 Christmas lights tour. Holy guacamole!

December 14, 2012

My longtime judge and friend Diana has acidly observed on occasion that I race past the elegant-looking displays that she favors, while lingering lovingly at the most outlandish ones.

Bill White Christmas lights tour includes inflatable mania

December 8, 2012

If you've never seen an inflatable redneck nutcracker, I can tell you just where to find one.

Stray animals posing increasing problem in PA

December 5, 2012

If you've been following the continuing controversy revolving around what now is known as the state Dog Law Enforcement Office, you probably know it's been under fire for its enforcement — or nonenforcement — of Pennsylvania's tough 2008 dog law.

Some Christmas decorators suffer for their art

December 3, 2012

I've read that Michelangelo ruined his eyesight and put a tremendous strain on his back and neck as he painted the Sistine Chapel. Vincent Van Gogh couldn't find anyone but his brother to buy his paintings. So there's a long tradition of artists suffering for their work.

Bethlehem City Council made wrong choice for trash discussion

November 30, 2012

OK, let's pretend you're a member of Bethlehem City Council.

Feed the hungry and win a Christmas Lights Tour

November 27, 2012

I'll introduce this year's Christmas Lights Tour fundraising campaign for Second Harvest Food Bank with a letter I received, along with a generous contribution, in mid-December last year.

Time to nominate your favorite Christmas displays

November 26, 2012

Jason Reph, whose synchronized musical display in Bushkill Township is one of the area's most amazing, emailed me last January about a family that drove from Palmerton to Allentown, began one of my tours and ended up at his house.

Battle of Hastings is treasured family memory

November 21, 2012

This was how I began a column I wrote in 1999.

Stray animal chaos continues

November 20, 2012

Liz Jones of the animal welfare group The Sanctuary at Haafsville got a phone call last Thursday afternoon about a boxer.

Grammar Police explain Mitt Romney's defeat

November 16, 2012

My Grammar Police columns have devoted quite a bit of attention to the practice of treating plurals as possessives by punctuating them with apostrophes.

Fact-checkers should branch out beyond politics

November 14, 2012

George Bronson spooned mashed potatoes onto his plate.

Marijuana legalization is gaining momentum

November 12, 2012

Last Tuesday was a very good day for those of us who think marijuana should be legalized and that the 40-plus-year War on Drugs is an incredibly expensive, destructive failure.

Lehigh County commissioners mirror national dilemma

November 9, 2012

Some of the broad questions facing the Republican Party and its majority in the U.S. House are being played out in Lehigh County.

Tea party draws wrong conclusion about election

November 7, 2012

I got the following press release via email Wednesday morning.

Refugees need lots of helping hands

November 5, 2012

The first time I met Iraqi refugee Abbas Hameed Khalaf, he told me that after so much hardship for him and his family, "We have a future."

Allentown water system decision requires open minds

November 2, 2012

I wrote some weeks ago about my feeling that more people should avoid seeing politics and the world as black and white, friend and foe, good and evil.

County Animal Response Team keeps pets safe

November 1, 2012

JoJo, a Yorkie-Pomeranian mix, was the first visitor to the Lehigh Valley's Hurricane Sandy emergency animal shelter Monday afternoon.

Bloopers include the most lurid crime story ever

October 29, 2012

In my frantic attempts to finally close the curtain on the Grammar Police theme of mispronounced words and fractured expressions, I've sorely neglected bloopers, which continue to pour in.

Lehigh County commissioners are who we thought they were

October 26, 2012

Remember Arizona Cardinals football coach Dennis Green in his famous post-game rant about the Bears? "They are who we thought they were!" he shouted.

Is paranormal activity responsible for East Penn tumult?

October 25, 2012

I just received an advance DVD of an episode of the popular A&E TV program, "Paranormal State." Here are some highlights.

Pennsylvania voters need longer memories

October 23, 2012

A friend sent me the photo that accompanies this column, along with a couple of similar shots.

Iraqi man, once marked for death, reunited with family at LVIA

October 20, 2012

Have you ever tried to put yourself in someone else's head, imagining what he's thinking, what he's feeling?

Recommendation Letter

October 20, 2012

Here is a portion of the Aug. 10 letter, slightly abridged and edited, written to U.S. Rep. Charlie Dent by Will Miller, then Catholic Charities refugee resettlement director, to urge Dent's support for helping getting Abbas Hameed Khalaf's family out of Iraq and into the United States:

Handicap parking thief lost his disability in store

October 19, 2012

I wrote not long ago about people stealing the reserved handicap parking space in front of a Coplay woman's home, as well as broader issues involving people's ignorant assumptions and behavior.

Grammar Police mispronunciation finale is epic

October 15, 2012

I'll begin today's wrap-up of my endless series on common mispronunciations and fractured expressions with a seasonal entry.

Grammar Police are tough on broadcasters

October 8, 2012

Sportscaster Erin Andrews was talking on the Fox NFL pregame show the other day, and I heard her say someone was "fixiated" on something.

Allentown City Council should consider all options

October 5, 2012

Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski is a very effective salesman.

Gray area should be embraced, not shunned

October 3, 2012

The Urban Dictionary, which I enjoy quoting from time to time, defines a Black and White Fred as:

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett bombing public education into Stone Age

September 26, 2012

The late Air Force Gen. Curtis LeMay once famously proclaimed, "We should bomb Vietnam back into the Stone Age."

Was Michael Schlossberg's early resignation a Profile in Ducking?

September 25, 2012

"Profiles in Courage" earned John F. Kennedy the Pulitzer Prize. The book profiled eight senators who defied their political parties or popular opinion to do what they felt was right and subsequently suffered for it.

For Mitt Romney and us, Ayn Rand is poor role model

September 23, 2012

Mitt Romney's choice of Paul Ryan as his running mate has ramped up interest in the author/philosopher Ayn Rand.

Reserved handicap spaces should be respected

September 19, 2012

There's a special place in my heart for the big Christmas light decorators I write about every December.

Want to become our partner in pubic education?

September 17, 2012

I'm not sure what's funnier — the blooper or the apology.

Public employees shouldn't get special treatment

September 17, 2012

I got a call Tuesday from a guy who thought my column that day about former Allentown Mayor Roy Afflerbach was "insulting" to readers. He wondered where I was when Afflerbach was seeking election.

Roy Afflerbach's name is mud in Allentown

September 12, 2012

Many people believe the expression "His name is mud" originated with Dr. Samuel Mudd, who treated Abraham Lincoln's assassin, John Wilkes Booth, and was convicted of being a conspirator.

Grammar Police target national anthem, asterik, entitled

September 10, 2012

I tend not to be too critical of people singing the national anthem. I know from my own efforts that it's pretty difficult.

Presidential campaign will be like 'Psycho' shower

September 7, 2012

The great suspense movie director Alfred Hitchcock once was quoted saying, "Always make the audience suffer as much as possible."

Military readiness threatened by fat, unprepared kids

September 6, 2012

If you've ever built a snowman, you know that it typically starts small and then grows as you roll it through fresh snow. Before you know it, you have a giant base.

Bulwer-Lytton runner-up is from Bethlehem

September 4, 2012

For skillful bad writers, there is no greater honor than to be a place winner in San Jose State University's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which invites people from all over the world to submit the opening sentence to the worst possible novel.

Allentown Fair is perfect for the young at heart

August 31, 2012

"Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you're young at heart," Frank Sinatra once sang. "… For as rich as you are, it's much better by far, to be young at heart."

Allentown Fair full of laughs, food, oddities

August 29, 2012

I know many of you are envious of my role as a perennial judge in the Allentown Fair's chocolate cake baking contest, despite my protestations that it's much more grueling than it appears.

Why do people say 'I fell down' instead of 'I fell'?

August 27, 2012

You Grammar Police are too impatient.

Fight crime by investing in kids

August 24, 2012

When I wrote the other day about Community Services for Children and its innovative Early Head Start — SafeStart program, I made the point that intervening to help young children at risk is a classic case of "pay me now or pay me later."

Is trap-neuter-return best approach for stray cats?

August 17, 2012

When I wrote the other day about some animal lovers' trap-neuter-return efforts with a colony of stray cats, I was well aware that not everyone supports this approach.

After 900 years, you really start noticing your mate's flaws

August 15, 2012

I'm always happy when one of my "What Is It?" items makes it into our Sunday paper's Best of the Blogs section.

Americus, Allentown would benefit from shifting NIZ boundary

August 13, 2012

You'd have to be pretty heartless not to feel for Albert Abdouche.

Musikfest eating stunt sends destructive message?

August 10, 2012

The negative response to my annual Eating My Way Through Musikfest enterprise is a bit muted this year.

Grammar Police submit more mispronunciations

August 8, 2012

This series of Grammar Police columns on common mispronunciations and fractured expressions has been going on so long that I've forgotten which ones I started with.

The Eating My Way Through Musikfest Olympics

August 6, 2012

A caller pointed out to me that on the day I announced the latest Eat Your Way Through Musikfest contest and my own plans to chow down for the 16th consecutive year, the next page of the newspaper contained a full-page ad with the following headline:

Health Bureau finally being put out of misery

August 6, 2012

I was well on my way to writing another fire and brimstone column about the Bi-County Health Bureau, this time aimed at the Lehigh County commissioners' plan to kill it for good rather than await a more favorable economic climate.

Cat shootings threaten volunteers' efforts

August 4, 2012

This is a story about some very nice people helping stray animals, and at least one nut who seems to be killing cats.

Bill White Eating My Way Through Musikfest contest returns

August 1, 2012

Fame has its trade-offs.

SafeStart stops destructive cycle of abuse, neglect

July 31, 2012

Remember those old Fram oil filter commercials? "You can pay me now or pay me later."

Grammar Police arrest more mispronunciations

July 27, 2012

A recent ad in The Morning Call corrected some wrong dates that had run along with a local beer distributor's prices.

Pennsylvania Voter ID defense is in shambles

July 25, 2012

Pennsylvania's Voter ID law will be in the spotlight for a while. A state Commonwealth Court challenge of the law began this week, and any decision almost certainly will be appealed to the state Supreme Court.

Penn State NCAA sanctions send right messages

July 23, 2012

"Cowardice asks the question — is it safe? Expediency asks the question — is it politic? Vanity asks the question — is it popular? But conscience asks the question — is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right." — The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Lehigh County commissioners deliver right vote, wrong message

July 16, 2012

For me, the low point of last Wednesday's Lehigh County commissioners meeting came as Commissioner Lisa Scheller was lecturing area nonprofits that they need to start tapping individual donors instead of just looking for government handouts.

Voter ID no picnic if you lack a driver's license

July 13, 2012

Since I've been very critical of Pennsylvania's Voter ID law, here's what some of the law's supporters have asked me:

Penn State Freeh report should kill illusions about Joe Paterno

July 12, 2012

Shoeless Joe Jackson would have been one of the first inductees into the Baseball Hall of Fame if not for his involvement in the 1919 Black Sox scandal.

It's time to nip more mispronunciations in the butt

July 11, 2012

I never learn.

Military dog handler gets package from home

July 9, 2012

I threw Sara Donner's name into our newspaper library system and found hits for two photos.

Litter witnesses went extra mile to identify slobs

July 6, 2012

Roger Kozemchak and Norma Stocker of Upper Nazareth Township were driving east on Route 22, nearing 25th Street in Palmer Township, when they noticed that a blue Camry had pulled over to the shoulder of the entrance ramp.

Commissioners elected to look out for county

July 4, 2012

My first published work was a short story called "The Unhappy Hippopotamus," which ran in my hometown paper when I was 8 years old.

Don't revert back to these mispronunciations

July 2, 2012

I must have touched a nerve.

Proposed Easton 'bill of rights' is too far out

June 29, 2012

I have a daily calendar from the humor site The Onion. I quoted it once before in a column about airline treatment of passengers; the day's item had an airline stacking passengers like cordwood.

Now attention should turn back to Penn State

June 27, 2012

My column Saturday suggested that as satisfying as it was to see Jerry Sandusky behind bars, we needed to maintain some perspective in our reaction, understanding that the vast majority of adult mentors are sincerely dedicated to helping young people, while at the same time recognizing that institutions and parents need to take sensible precautions to protect children in their care.

Essentric, exspecially, supposably, verse, ecksetera

June 25, 2012

"Dour rhymes with poor, not sour."

Jerry Sandusky is a monster

June 23, 2012

I think it's safe to say most of us will be happy to see Jerry Sandusky rot in jail for the rest of his days.

PA House committee finally releases important bills

June 22, 2012

"Something is … different," says Bill Murray's character, Phil Connors, in the classic movie "Groundhog Day." He has been reliving the same day over and over — until now.

Dog stuck in quarry found kindness, comfort in last days

June 20, 2012

I have two touching dog stories for you today. One of them involves a locally famous dog rescued from a quarry and an organization that has a fundraising event Saturday, so stay tuned for that.

Going foeward, don't use her son as escape goat

June 19, 2012

"I'm reading your terrific article, only have a little futher to go."

Pervide your best examples of bad pronunciation

June 15, 2012

I appreciate the fact that my wife not only tolerates my relentless viewing of sports on TV, but seems to enjoy at least some of it.

Epic journey led to shattering family revelation

June 13, 2012

Child sex abuse is front and center every day as the horrific Jerry Sandusky trial continues.

If Charles Dickens lived in Pennsylvania …

June 11, 2012

I actually had ideas for two columns last week about Gov. Tom Corbett. What can I say? He's inspiring. One of them ran Saturday. Here's the other:

At least Tom Corbett still is beloved in one corner

June 8, 2012

"Gentlemen, welcome to this annual gathering of the Natural Gas Producers of America! I think I can speak for all our industry's leadership in saying it's a great time to be a fracker!"

Dog and cat owners responded with happy, sad memories

June 6, 2012

My wife and I were in our living room two Saturdays ago when we heard the doorbell ring. I was reading and responding to some of the flood of email messages I had received from readers offering their condolences on the death of our golden retriever, MacDuff, whom I wrote about in a column that appeared that day.

Bob Wood's legacy of service is worth emulating

June 5, 2012

I was introduced last Tuesday to Pat Beldon, sister of the late philanthropist Bob Wood, and I told her something she's heard a zillion times:

Here are the Valley's most skillful terrible writers

June 2, 2012

"The dishwasher rumbled, hummed and buzzed as one by one the saucy, slimy dishes were overrun by the soapy bubbles, as another dull day in suburbia dragged to its foregone conclusion."

Hen compositions tend to be lyrically simple

May 28, 2012

If you think education is going downhill, I can tell you there's at least one school that has met a remarkable standard.

MacDuff thought he deserved the recliner

May 25, 2012

I was just beginning to pull myself together Monday when I stepped into my house, a leash and a collar in my hand, and heard … nothing.

ASD students learn to cook — and much more

May 23, 2012

For some reason, I get invited to a lot of cooking competitions, both as a judge and as an observer.

Allentown hockey arena joke betrays suburban smugness

May 21, 2012

I hope some of you read about a telling recent exchange among Hanover Township supervisors. One of our freelance writers was there, and as a result of his report, Morning Call reporter Andrew McGill went back and listened to the meeting tape.

Here's a shoutout to inspirational Latin teachers

May 18, 2012

I have a Grammar Police Latin lesson for you.

Confusion, animosity common in music licensing

May 16, 2012

Andy Lee says that after he opened Braveheart Highland Pub in Hellertown several years ago, he occasionally featured live music.

'Wild Horses' helped drag Braveheart away

May 15, 2012

Andy Lee thought he was doing a nice thing in summer 2010 when he agreed to let some people stage their fundraising musical performance in his Braveheart Highland Pub, Hellertown.

How much does the Josiah White weigh?

May 11, 2012

1. How much does the canal boat at Easton Hugh Moore Park weigh?

Allentown hockey arena fights will look tame after all this

May 9, 2012

My column last week on the taping of WFMZ's "Business Matters" show on the Allentown arena project focused on some of the over-the-top behavior and wild distortions.

Bad writers are off to good start

May 7, 2012

This and that:

We gotta stop this Allentown arena hysteria!

May 4, 2012

On the face of it, it was a great idea.

Wanted: Lehigh Valley's best bad writers

May 2, 2012

Interstellar Space Command cadet trainee Franklin W. Wentworth III, still reeling from his first encounter with crystal methamphetamine-laced Tang, stared unblinkingly at the merciless twin suns overhead, unwittingly frying his retinas like hazel fried eggs on a hot tin roof on Mercury, if Mercury were inhabited.

Abe Atiyeh new target for Terminator

April 30, 2012

Abe Atiyeh had just finished filing his fifth lawsuit of the day when a man approached him outside the prothonotary's office.

Pennsylvania dog law enforcement under fire, finally

April 27, 2012

I don't suppose we should be surprised that it took Gov. Tom Corbett more than 15 months to allow the state Dog Law Advisory Board to hold a meeting.

It's not easy being a pariah

April 25, 2012

At the start of last week's Allentown School Board meeting, Superintendent Russ Mayo read a proclamation congratulating Sue Snyder, a 1981 Allen grad, for winning the Pulitzer Prize.

Easton School District is a runaway train

April 23, 2012

The Denzel Washington movie "Unstoppable" is based on the real case of an unattended runaway freight train full of toxic material. It hit speeds of up to 47 mph.

Mathematicians round, but do nurses?

April 20, 2012

I have a college professor friend whose special cause is the way nouns are being turned into awkward verbs

Scholastic Scrimmage may need adjustment

April 18, 2012

"Good evening. I'm your host of PBS 39's 'Scholastic Scrimmage,' where high school scholars from all over the Lehigh Valley match wits. Our competitors today are from Southern Northwestern and Louis E. Dieruff high schools. Is everyone ready? Let's begin with an easy tossup …

Three payjackers inducted into Hall of Fame

April 17, 2012

Sometimes our readers pleasantly surprise me.

Weighing Allentown hockey arena pros and cons

April 13, 2012

I realize that quoting myself might come off as less than humble. For what it's worth, this will have more to do with demonstrating my consistency than my profundity.

Lack of food left him emancipated

April 12, 2012

There is nothing like a great adventure story.

Hedgehog bill faces last hurdle

April 9, 2012

It's time to follow up on some past columns and other items.

Child sex abuse victim will try to vanquish silence

April 5, 2012

Sometime on Easter Sunday, Tom Burick will climb aboard his little 50cc Honda scooter and take off on what he expects will be a 10,000-mile, three-nation Journey From Silence to combat child sex abuse by raising money and awareness.

Chrin churns out more baloney

April 3, 2012

One afternoon years ago in Easton, I got to cross half an important item off my bucket list.

Can you spare a warehouse?

March 28, 2012

I have a pitch for you today on behalf of an organization I very much admire. But with your indulgence, I'll ease into it.

Airline baggage fees take strange twist

March 26, 2012

One of my favorite old items from the fake news humor website "The Onion" turned up again last week on my Onion daily calendar.

Hall of Fame nominations open

March 23, 2012

Developer Abe Atiyeh, whom I once dubbed the Rajah of Rezoning, is at it again, pitching two more drug and alcohol treatment centers — one across the street from one that just was rejected — in Bethlehem.

Majority Party would put you in charge

March 22, 2012

According to the latest polling data, 74 percent of Pennsylvanians want to tax the extraction of natural gas from Marcellus Shale, confirming a consistent trend in state polls.

Lehigh victim made victory extra sweet

March 19, 2012

Life does not get much better than this.

Is it light or lit, shined or shone?

March 16, 2012

I joked in a recent Grammar Police column that if you're going to write "ahold," you might as well go all the way and use "aholt," as in "She done got aholt of me down by the holler."

Pennsylvania voter ID is a waste of money and energy

March 14, 2012

One of my favorite literary and movie characters was Lt. Cmdr. Philip Francis Queeg, skipper of the World War II minesweeper USS Caine in the novel and movie "The Caine Mutiny."

Golf clubs took a separate vacation

March 12, 2012

Even before most of the airlines started charging us to check luggage, a truly revolting development, I had switched to carry-on mode.

School drug testing shouldn't be random

March 2, 2012

I think any form of random drug testing of teachers and/or students is a bad idea.

Why is my phone making that noise?

March 1, 2012

I was just beginning to lecture my college journalism class on the finer points of police reporting Monday when something began chirping.

Is Whitney Houston a sign of the apocalypse?

February 28, 2012

It's best to be careful when claiming that teenagers, music, language or the country at large are going to pieces.

Rick Santorum tries hand at 'Jeopardy'

February 24, 2012

Alex Trebek: "Welcome to Presidential Candidate Jeopardy! It's a thrill getting the top remaining GOP presidential candidates together to match wits in a different forum than the usual debates — and with an interesting twist. The winner of tonight's game will win $1 million for a Super PAC that will trash his opponents while he pretends he knows nothing about it. Newt Gingrich, how do you feel about your chances?"

Swaption that ate Northampton County

February 22, 2012

"The Blob" was a 1958 horror film best known as the first big starring role for Steve McQueen, who played a really old-looking teenager.

Media bloopers include a drug and bugle corps

February 20, 2012

This bloopers column is dedicated to the clippers.

Muslims, Christians share discussions of faith

February 18, 2012

The last thing you would expect to emerge in the immediate aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks is an organization that brings Muslims and Christians closer together.

Bad dates and really bad dates

February 15, 2012

Let's jump right into more terrible dates in this final edition of the Looove Connection. One of them involves a spider monkey at a drive-in, so you'll want to read on for that one.

Valentines Day wish is hey babe, will you diaper me?

February 13, 2012

The Looove Connection is open.

In Lehigh County reassessment battle, did Don Cunningham really lose?

February 10, 2012

The political scuffle over whether to proceed with Lehigh County reassessment this year is full of interesting twists and turns.

William DeWeese conviction won't curb rank-and-file vampires

February 8, 2012

The trilogy of Hammer Film versions of the Dracula story, all starring Christopher Lee as the chief bloodsucker, were wonderfully gory and atmospheric.

Grammar Police make wrongful arrests

February 6, 2012

In my role as ringmaster of the Grammar Police circus, one of my great fears is that I'll make errors in those columns, exposing me as no better than the people of whom youse complain about.

What can Pat Browne do for you?

February 3, 2012

Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski looked around the audience of municipal officials. "Everyone settle down, please, and we'll get started. I'd appreciate it if you all would douse your torches. It's a fire safety issue."

'I guess there's just a meanness in this world'

February 1, 2012

"They wanted to know why I did what I did/Well sir, I guess there's just a meanness in this world" — Bruce Springsteen, "Nebraska."

Gov. Tom Corbett administration wants to shred safety net

January 30, 2012

I'll eventually get around to blasting the Gov. Tom Corbett administration for its mean-spirited response to the recession, but if you'll indulge me, I'll take a few paragraphs to get there.

Newt Gingrich is GOP Nightmare on Elm Street

January 27, 2012

Charlie Dent had been fighting to stay awake for hours, but he finally closed his eyes and succumbed to sleep.

Bill White wants to know about your most terrible date

January 26, 2012

The Doctor of Love is in.

Joe Paterno never got his sunset

January 23, 2012

The Lehigh Valley is rampant with Penn State loyalists, and I know I haven't endeared myself to some of them with things I've written and said about Joe Paterno.

Citizens United decision threatens democracy

January 20, 2012

One of the biggest threats our democracy ever has faced is unfolding in the Republican primary elections.

'Reply All' to urban legends is remedy for baloney

January 18, 2012

I got this email the other day. Actually, I've gotten it several times.

Grammar Police: The dog got ahold of a bone?

January 16, 2012

It's not often I have the opportunity to slip Moms Mabley into a column. So bear with me here.

Health bureau Groundhog Day getting frustrating

January 11, 2012

Maybe I've been to too many Bi-County Health Commission meetings, but Monday night's latest gathering began feeling like "Groundhog Day" to me.

Big child sex abuse cases embolden victims

January 9, 2012

The alleged child sex abuse victims of Hall of Fame baseball writer Bill Conlin weren't the only ones who came forward in the wake of the Penn State scandal.

Marathon deadlock is averted

January 6, 2012

Government reorganization meetings can make for interesting politics, given the kind of backroom wheeling, dealing and occasional back stabbing that underlies these typically brief gatherings when new leaders are chosen.

Another record year for Bill White's Christmas tours

January 4, 2012

You've done it again.

Atiyeh, Zahorchak, Porkus among year's top newsmakers

January 3, 2012

I'm a little groggy after reading all those year-end lists, so you'll have to forgive me if my own look back at 2011's top events veers in and out of reality.

One issue voting? Yes, if it's ethics

December 28, 2011

I generally resist the impulse to get the last word, particularly when someone submits a counterpoint or letter about something I have written.

Newsmaker Q&A: Anthony Lauro

December 24, 2011

Anthony Lauro, 36, of 1326 Wayne St., Palmer Township, already has been drawing attention for his terrific Christmas display and collection for Toys for Tots, including a special night when they had Santa, the Marines and live animals to spur more toy donations. But he went above and beyond the call of duty when he ended up in a wheelchair for his decorating efforts. He is the subject of this week's Q&A.

Let's test knowledge of holidays

December 23, 2011

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.

Never vote for these Lehigh Valley traitors

December 21, 2011

I will be providing you with some prime material for your refrigerator today. Get out a magnet and scissors so you're ready to anchor it in a prime location for review next year and every two years at election time.

Bloopers: Burglar was pregnant man?

December 19, 2011

Sometimes the best news stories inadvertently are underplayed. For example, consider this online headline for a story that received scant attention:

Senators betrayed residents

December 16, 2011

Now that three senators who represent the Lehigh Valley have betrayed their constituents by supporting the Republicans' preposterous congressional gerrymandering plan, it's time for the first of many installments in Operation Payback.

Lehigh Valley Gerrymandering: You can't get there from here

December 14, 2011

In what is becoming an unfortunate tradition, I'm rewriting an old column today to comment on the Republicans' ludicrous gerrymandering of Charlie Dent's 15th Congressional District.

RCN Christmas lights show taping was great fun

December 12, 2011

We had an awesome night taping this year's 12th annual "Christmas Lights with Bill White and Wally Ely 2011" last Thursday.

Keep the Easton in A-B-E

December 10, 2011

If you want to get a handle on the way our state government operates, you should call up a copy of House Bill 5 or Senate Bill 1249.

Where God Moments are made

December 7, 2011

The people at Lehigh Valley Outreach Depot, a mission project of Wesley United Methodist Church in Bethlehem, like to talk about God Moments.

Grammar police:'Going forward' is backward

December 5, 2011

My wife is unenthusiastic when I mention her in my columns.

She loved Luminaria Night

December 2, 2011

Four years ago, Luminaria Night took on an even more special meaning for a West Bethlehem neighborhood.

Here's list of political litterbugs

November 30, 2011

My favorite campaign sign moment came the year I drove around the Lehigh Valley gathering leftover campaign signs, dragged them into our Bethlehem office, surrounded my desk with them and posed for a photo. I ran it again this week on my blog.

Feed the hungry and win a tour

November 28, 2011

When you climb down into the basement at 606-6081/2 N. Second St., Allentown, you find out a lot about the group's priorities.

Nominate favorite Christmas displays

November 25, 2011

Let the record show that I received my first Christmas Light Tour-related complaint this week, before I published a word. I think that's a record.

Disaster brought blessings

November 23, 2011

The night my wife and I discovered a few inches of water throughout our basement was not one I'll remember fondly.

Stalled child sex abuse bills important for justice

November 21, 2011

I realize many of you newspaper readers don't see my blog at themorningcall.com, so I'll just tell you here that in addition to writing about Jerry Sandusky and Joe Paterno, I've been writing about the state House committee chairman who has been smothering bills that would make it easier for child sex abuse victims to name and confront their abusers.

Paterno era had to end now

November 10, 2011

Penn State's trustees announced late Wednesday night that Coach Joe Paterno won't be able to retire on his own terms, as he had hoped.

Northampton murder suspect Michael Ballard should not have been free

June 30, 2010

I have attended trials and hearings for many of the Lehigh Valley's most notorious murderers.

Get ready for another snow job

June 13, 2009

Some years back, Northampton County Council was asked to approve an exotic refinancing plan known as a ''swaption.''