Get an RSS feedLeaning to the right or left
June 9, 2013
"Tell me something," my neighbor Babble demanded. "Do you know whether I'm a Republican or a Democrat?"
-
Phone records yield little secrets
May 26, 2013
The Get Serious! column has never been content to rest upon its laurels. Oh, we tried to rest upon them once, but those laurel-wreath leaves were hard and pointy and stuck us in the hiney. It remains our dream to become a major journalistic institution, like the Associated Press.
-
Mother's Day is truly cause to celebrate
May 12, 2013
It's now the second Sunday
-
Unraveling the mysteries of public art
April 28, 2013
As you art connoisseurs know, Newport News has been the beneficiary of several major pieces of public art recently. Thanks to them, we public persons can enjoy seeing something along the side of our roads with extremely high aesthetic value, especially as measured in total tonnage.
-
Braving a techno world with no-app-titude
April 14, 2013
The With-It Police had hauled me in for questioning again, on suspicion of being criminally behind the times.
-
Baseball season brings its injuries
March 31, 2013
In honor of Opening Day of baseball season and the start of National Poetry Month tomorrow, today's Get Serious! guest columnist is that top 14th-century sportswriter, Geoffrey Chaucer, who covered the Canterbury Pilgrims of the Middle English League. Unfortunately, while writing this column Mr. Chaucer suffered a torn iambic pentameter and has been placed on the 60-day disabled list.
-
St. Pat descends for a little blarney
March 17, 2013
Time again for the Get Serious! Spotlight on the News, at it shines our last remaining old 100-watt bulb on the man responsible for that green food coloring in your beer today, the man who puts the "go Bragh" in "Erin": Saint Patrick!
-
Drones may drop in on the guy next door
March 3, 2013
"Tell me something," my neighbor Babble was saying to me. "What do you think you'll do with your drone?"
-
Richard III contemplates his comeback
February 17, 2013
King Richard the Third, left alone for the evening after the archaeologists had left, stretches out his bony self and contemplates his comeback.
-
Federal action needs a canned response
February 3, 2013
When our U.S. congressfolks postponed the federal debt ceiling showdown for three months, the political commentators told us they had once again "kicked the can down the road."
-
Waste not, want not, says the belly
January 20, 2013
News item: A British study found that half of the food produced in the world is wasted and not eaten, because of misused land, transportation problems, lack of storage, overbuying, consumers' insistence on perfect-looking produce, too-strict "sell by" dates, and other inefficiencies.
-
Football jerseys are never out of fashion
January 6, 2013
As we prepare to watch a new season of PBS's "Downton Abbey," that recreation of an era when men "dressed for dinner"— no, that doesn't mean they finally put their pants on — some of you are no doubt wondering:
-
Boomers recall the good old days
December 30, 2012
"I've decided to make some big money by being a writer," my neighbor Babble said to me. "From looking at you, I figure it can't be that hard."
-
Holiday meltdown hits the North Pole
December 23, 2012
CONFIDENTIAL MEMO
-
The world may end, hold the Mayonnasie
December 16, 2012
The Get Serious! column, we are proud to note, has earned a reputation for distinguished journalism. ("This column is distinguished," newspaper critics say, "by its irresponsible silliness.") Nonetheless, we want you readers to know we do have some standards.
-
Christmas fa-la-la brings the holidaze
December 9, 2012
I was puzzled when my neighbor Babble showed up on my doorstep. Instead of his usual dress — relaxed-fit Dockers and a Redskins sweatshirt — he was wearing a black suit and an odd-looking collar.
-
Holiday rules are made to be spoken
December 2, 2012
Once again, readers, 'tis the season to …
-
Lincoln taps Bond to win the war
November 18, 2012
The new Spielberg movie, "Lincoln," looks like it'll be a big success. Which means Hollywood will be hoping for a sequel.
-
Mr. President, life is better than good
November 11, 2012
This is one of those fun-but-tricky columns to write, since I have to turn it in before the election's over, but you will be reading it afterwards.
-
Aliens enter the political arena
November 4, 2012
I was out in my yard, cleaning up after the hurricane, when the flying saucer landed next to me.
-
Rhyme befits this ancient mariner
October 27, 2012
I am a firm believer in recycling whenever possible, so today I'm recycling a bit of writing I did, thus preserving the earth's precious dwindling supply of my brain cells.
-
Champagne tastes don't fly in baseball
October 21, 2012
Ah, baseball in the fall! Stirring, do-or-die drama! Brilliant pitching! Dazzling catches! Dramatic clouts! Grown men hopping about in locker rooms, spraying each other with carbonated fermented grape juice!
-
VP race needs a Tony approach
October 14, 2012
Right now, you're probably thinking the Tony for Vice President campaign is dead in the water.
-
Auto-autos are coming down the pike
October 7, 2012
Gentlemen, start your engines! And then, uh, go back to sleep?
-
Preparing for the woman as head of household
September 29, 2012
"I need your advice," my neighbor Babble said to me.
-
Naked royals are all the rage
September 23, 2012
It is with a sense of stern journalistic duty that this column now presents, against its better judgment (yes, we hear you readers saying, "Better judgment? In THIS column?"), yet another edition of "Nude in the News."
-
How to fish without a catch
September 16, 2012
Hi, sportsmen! Autumn is near, and you anglers know that's when many of the "big ones" will be bitin'! So here's the Ol' Outdoorsperson with some handy advice on How To Not Catch Fish.
-
Gray hairs define the manly mane
September 9, 2012
I am a great admirer of the people who write television commercials, because of their amazing ability to write clever stuff about silly subject matter.
-
Army ads could profile the arty GI
September 2, 2012
Before we get into this week's main topic, which is whether our tax dollars should be spent on camouflage leotards, this column simply must say a few words about exploding toilets.
-
'Mad Men' recalls 1960s best and worst
March 31, 2012
As you news media consumers know, an earth-shaking event took place last week; big enough to blow the presidential campaign, the pope's travels, the Supreme Court and health care, and even Kate Middleton's latest frock off the magazine covers.
-
Survey says, don't take this survey
March 24, 2012
(Ring, Ring.)
-
Silent movies are the talk of the future
March 3, 2012
In Hollywood, any success brings a lot of imitators. So we can imagine this scene taking place right now at one of the big movie studios:
-
Germs need more respect from us
January 21, 2012
How are you, readers? I'm doing well, in spite of the billions of germs crawling all over me.
-
Tony helps you get the New Year right
December 31, 2011
Readers, have you made your New Year's resolutions yet? Of course you have! You are the kind of energetic, decisive, "can-do" folks who never procrastinate, unlike me. I still haven't decided on my resolutions for 2009.
-
New Year's traditions need to be honored
December 10, 2011
My neighbor Babble was shaking his head and muttering to himself.
-
Household treasures shine among the clutter
September 11, 2011
You've seen "Antiques Roadshow" on public television … now welcome to "Antiques Homeshow," where this columnist tries to persuade himself that the dust-covered junk cluttering his house has some actual value!
-
Make a to-do list for this century
September 4, 2011
Some things to do if you are a 21st-century American:
-
Nap time delights through the ages
August 6, 2011
Today's tutorial, funded by a generous grant from the Get Serious! Self-Help Institute ("For people who just can't help themselves") is: How to Take A Nap.
-
Weather makes us wither all the year
June 19, 2011
There's something I don't understand. Don't understand at all.
-
Critters feast on garden's bounty
August 14, 2010
They say that Saint Francis of Assisi loved animals a whole lot, but right now I think he's got nothing on us.
-
Mother Nature beats the heat
July 31, 2010
I know what you've been asking yourself these past couple of weeks: Why is it so goshamighty hot?
-
Books tell folk that learnin' is no joke
June 19, 2010
Attention, folks who like to read!
-
Let's poke some polls and serve up some surveys
May 29, 2010
The news nowadays consists of two elements: (1) actual news, and (2) polls and surveys.
-
Computer generated movies need to have a little fun
May 23, 2010
Computer generated imagery, or CGI, seems to be what movies are all about these days. It allows you to see weird distant planets, mythological creatures, and Robert Downey Jr. zipping around in an iron suit. (If they put me in that suit, all I could do is fall over.)
-
Stephen Hawking may have all the answers afterall
May 14, 2010
Stephen Hawking, the brilliant physicist – I know he's brilliant, because I read his "A Brief History of Time" book and the five percent of it that I understood was terrific – says we should be afraid of close encounters with E.T.
-
Get Serious: You, too, can be a poet; don't ya know it
April 18, 2010
This is National Poetry Month, and I trust the poets amongst us are busily composing their sonnets, ballads, rondels and villanelles.
-
Mary Poppins in spandex? It's only a matter of time
November 15, 2009
Ebenezer Scrooge looked up from his bowl of gruel as the bells rang, the chains clanged, and Jacob Marley's ghost came wafting through the door.